


Be You- A Charlie Weasley Story

by Katpierce03



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Gay Charlie Weasley, Inspired by Love Simon, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Charlie Weasley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28994892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katpierce03/pseuds/Katpierce03
Summary: Let's cut to the chase. This is definitely a love story, but it's not an easy or romantic one. No, in fact, Charlie Weasley will learn the hard way about life, love, and acceptance. One diary from the past will change his whole future.*This story is an LGBT story, and it includes characters from the Marauder's era. Things will switch back and forth between present day (Charlie's time) and the past (Marauder's time). I've squeaked timelines and events to make it where there's a certain few characters from Potter's time in school to be Charlie's age to make it the story I want it to be.*
Relationships: Charlie Weasley/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 6





	1. Introduction

**_Hello my loves! Welcome to Be You, an LGBT coming of age story revolving around Charlie Weasley and the Marauder's era gang. I have completely moved around timelines and when some characters exist, but the young marauders still exist in their original time line. I don't want to give away anything, so let's just get into it and enjoy the ride._ **

**_Here is my casting for this story._ **

Stefano Masciolini as Charlie Weasley ** _  
_**

Louis Cordice as Blaise Zabini

Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy

Ben Barnes as young Sirius Black

Andrew Garfield as young Remus Lupin 

David Thewlis as present day Professor Lupin

Thomas Brodie-Sangster as Evan Warrington

_**SO excited for this journey with you all!! Also, fair warning, the chapters in this story will likely be a LOT shorter than chapters in my previous stories. I don't want to add unnecessary filler, and I think the way I want to carry the story, it makes more sense to have shorter chapters. It's also really short in chapter count, because I wanted to hone in on specific feelings without dragging them out.** _


	2. The Cold Wind

I woke up in another cold sweat tonight. Another nightmare. Always the same. As I sat in my bed with my forearms resting on my bent knees, I tried to catch my breath.

But it didn't work.

It never did.

I grabbed my wand and decided to leave the dorm. I was a prefect after all. I could really go anywhere I wanted.

So, I did.

My feet carried me without a destination in mind. Mindlessly passing through the stone corridors lined with polished suits of armor and various moving portraits. My leaded footsteps were muffled by the thick, royal purple carpet beneath my feet.

But soon, I was standing in front of the entrance to the Room of Requirement.

I loved coming here. No one knew about it. It was one of Hogwarts best kept secrets. I could make this room anything I needed it to be.

And right now, I just needed a distraction.

As I opened my eyes to the already transformed doorway, I breathed in deeply. I stepped through the small, unassuming wooden door to see what awaited me.

Inside looked like a lounge area. Almost like one of the common rooms.

There were large, luxurious black couches surrounding a fire place. A large, dark red rug and oak coffee table between them.

A bookshelf from the floor to the ceiling that covered half of one wall. An old looking wooden desk and a soft, velvet salamander colored chair in front of it near the corner by the books.

Two wall sconces hung by the doorway. Posters of the Holyhead Harpies quidditch team and the Weird Sisters band.

My illuminated wand showed the relaxed atmosphere of the place.

I wondered who this belonged to.

I crept to the fireplace and cast _Incendio_ for some heat and light.

I walked curiously through the room, taking in every detail that I could. I somehow felt comforted and welcomed.

Weird, right?

How can a room do that?

As I approached the desk, I noticed an unassuming, black, leather journal. At the top in the center was a gold fleur-de-lis.

I ran my fingers over the front of it, and something was calling to me. Something begging me to open it.

But it felt wrong.

This was someone's personal property, right?

Something inside of me kept beckoning to open it anyway.

So, I did.

And nothing.

There was no name, nothing written in the pages. I flipped through the whole thing, and there was nothing.

I decided to do something and just keep it for myself.

I'd been yearning for a journal to record all my thoughts, but money has always been tight at home. Mum and dad could barely afford textbooks.

On the hard inside cover at the top, left-hand corner, I inscribed my name.

_Charlie Septimus Weasley_

I stared at the blank page before me for what felt like hours. I didn't even know where to begin.

_I'm not even sure where to begin. My thoughts are like an endless black sky with no hope of spring. The nightmares grow stronger with each passing day. Probably because Valentine's day is around the corner. Blech._

I paused for a moment to try and think of what I wanted to say next, but suddenly, I watched the words disappear from the page.

What the hell?

I ran my fingers across the paper for traces of the fresh ink, but there were none.

All I could do was stare in disbelief.

And that feeling grew deeper as I saw new words appear out of no where. Words I did not write nor think.

**You're saying "blech" to Valentine's day? Who ripped your heart out and stomped on it? Sorry about the nightmares. I know how that feels. Try a valerian tea with lemon balm. Does the trick for me. Especially when the boys get too loud and rowdy in the dorm.**

I was shell-shocked at the words on the page in front of me. How was this happening? Who is doing this?

_Who is this? What's happening?_

**You can call me Moony. Nice to meet you, stranger on the other side of the diary. As for how this is happening, I'm not sure, but I have a hunch. My friend Prongs cast some spell on my journal. I was drunk rambling about my problems one day and mentioned I wished I could speak to someone who could understand. Not that he's a bad listener, though he kind of is. He's just...not like me. I'm not sure what kind of magic he used. He likes to be the secret evil genius. So, I suppose, that is how we're talking.**

_You seem awfully calm about this._

**You seem awfully terrified. Relax. You are a wizard, right? Or a witch? I presume you've seen magic. Dear Merlin, please tell me you're magical and that I haven't just gone and mucked up hard.**

_Yes, yes. You relax. I'm a student at Hogwarts._

**Hogwarts? Me too. Seventh year. Gryffindor. You?**

_Same for both._

**I wonder if we've seen each other. Talked to each other in person.**

_It would seem highly likely, but I'm sure I would remember someone named Moony._

**Ah, it's just a nickname. Only my very closest friends call me that. Can't go around revealing all my secrets at once. ;)**

_Sounds like Prongs isn't the only one plotting to be a secret evil genius. And does this mean I'm now a very close friend?_

**Nope, just him. I prefer to stay hidden in the shadows. He can take the spotlight for himself. He wouldn't have it any other way. Enough about me. What can I call you?**

**Oh, and also, I hope that one day you will be.**

I thought for a moment about giving a fake name or a nickname, but I couldn't think of a good one. I scribbled the first thing that came to mind.

_You can call me Red._

**Red? Interesting choice. Happens to be my favorite color. Well, Red. It's been lovely to meet you, but it is quite late, and I grow tired. I hope we can talk again soon.**

_Goodnight, Moony. Thanks for the tip earlier. I'll brew a cuppa tomorrow and see what it yields._

I watched the pages intently, but nothing else appeared. 

Damn.

He did say he was going to bed.

I closed the journal and thrummed my fingers on the desk. I smiled to myself for the first time in months. Moony said that he was looking for someone who understood him. 

Was he like me?

I guess time would tell.

I tucked the journal underneath my arm and left the Room of Requirement. As I slunk through the corridors and back to the Gryffindor tower, the reality of my life set back in. The cold wind seeping through the cracks of the castle walls chilled me to my bones.

I've never felt more alone.

Even with a new potential friend at the palm of my hand.

As I nestled into bed, I felt strange. But a good strange. A different kind of me. One that was maybe finally hopeful. And as sleep came, it came uninterrupted. 


	3. The Game

The next morning, I woke with a new sense of purpose.

I wanted to know more about Moony. I wanted to know more about why my journal connected me to him.

I could hardly wait for the day of classes to be over so I could write to him. 

I wanted to sit out in the courtyard, but it'd been snowy recently, so I opted for a drink by the fire at the Three Broomsticks.

I shuffled inside hurriedly to shelter from the cold. I shook off the snow from my hair and hung up my coat by the front door. I found a cozy section of the tavern all the way in a back corner, and I made a home there amongst the crowded conversations and dim lighting.

When I opened the journal and waited on my butterbeer order, I repeatedly tapped my finger on the table in anticipation. 

I had no idea what I wanted to write.

_Hi, Moony. I dunno what to write. I just wanted to write. I hope you slept okay last night. I'm having a butterbeer by the fire right now._

Several moments went by before any new writing appeared, and I worried perhaps he was too busy. But a warm, buzzing smile crept on my face when the ink finally started to show.

**Hi, Red. I slept pretty well. Had good dreams instead of nightmares.**

_I'm glad to hear that. So, what does a good dream entail for you?_

**Me. And him. Out in a flowery meadow. He brings a blanket for us to lay on. Our legs are tangled together, my head rests against his shoulder. We can't stop laughing as we give the stars ridiculous names. The three in Orion's belt? Peanut, Starfry, and Dollop. Don't ask. And certainly don't laugh.**

_I could never laugh at you. But I am curious..._

My heart started to race. He was telling me about a romantic dream he had with another _boy._ Maybe he was more like me than I realized. I mean, I'm not even sure of it myself.

**About?**

_Your dream...You dream about another man?_

**Yes.**

_I dream about another man sometimes too...He's in our year also. We'll call him E._

**Does E feel the same way about you?**

_Merlin, no. No one does. Well, no one knows how I feel. I...I've only just started to really think more in depth about these...things. Does your dream dweller feel the same about you?_

**He does. I feel entirely lucky. Thank you, Red. For sharing with me. I know it's never easy. I want you to know that it's very brave of you. And though I do not know your true identity, I will carry your secret in my heart and nowhere else for all my life.**

_Shit, be right back. Someone's here._

I snapped the journal closed so fastasEvan Warrington, Jean Rabnott, and Lillian Peasegood came through the door and right over to my table. They were all seventh years as well. Evan was in Gryffindor, and Jean and Lillian were in Hufflepuff.

"Weasley," nodded Evan as he sat down, uninvited. Jean and Lillian looked at him and exchanged a look before reluctantly sitting down. 

Lillian mouthed "I'm sorry" to me. I shook my head lightly at her to accept it.

Jean and Lillian both wore floral dresses with black tights underneath. They looked beautiful as always. They were always so put together. Evan hadn't taken off his dark grey pea coat. It somehow made his eyes even more prominent. 

I couldn't stop looking at them.

"You never come out to Hogsmeade," noted Evan. "What's the occasion?"

"Leave him alone, Evan. Sheesh. Can't we just enjoy a nice drink and some conversation without interrogation?" asked Jean as she slunk into the booth next to her friends.

"It's fine," I sputtered. Damn. Why did I have to make myself look like an idiot? Evan was so...infuriating!

The way he walked into places like he owned them. Talked over people like he was more important. The way he strutted so confidently around and showed that thousand watt smile like a prize at the fair. How his wheat field hair rolled off his head and sometimes covered his eye. 

And those eyes.

The piercing stare, the heaviest shade of Earl Grey tea I have ever seen. The angular features of his face and jaw all coming to a point and highlighting his plump, light pink lips.

He was a walking dream, and I couldn't stop wanting to fall asleep and live in that dream forever.

Fuck.

Stop it.

Evan waved over Madam Rosmerta and ordered a round of firewhiskey shots.

"Oh, no, I'm fine," I tried to say, but it all came out in a stutter. Evan held up a hand in protest and insisted. 

"It's on me," he said with a small chuckle.

I suddenly grew very self conscious. It's no secret to anyone in the school that our family isn't that well off. I didn't want his charity, but I couldn't say that.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"You'll just get the drinks next time," said Evan in a low, husky voice. He winked a little at me so quickly. I thought I made it up.

Perhaps I did. The idea of a "next time" made my palms sweat.

When the round of shots came by, Evan insisted on another round to come by soon. We each took our glasses and held them up.

"To finishing out this damn year," said Evan in a toast. We clinked our glasses together and knocked back the shots.

The burning in my throat was so intense that I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched my face together. I heard Evan laughing a little, eyeing my expression. I coughed when I realized he was watching me. I averted his gaze and looked over at Lillian and Jean who were in their own bubble.

"You have the most amazing eyes. Wow," breathed Evan.

I almost choked on my own spit.

"Sorry, what?" I muttered.

Evan leaned on the table for a closer look, propping himself up by his elbows. It was like he was peering right into my soul. What would he see? Would he see my hopeless crush on him?

He waved a slender finger in a circle near my face. "The outsides are this honey like shade. And the insides are this lovely color of green. Reminds me of a bowtruckle."

I thought about bowtruckles. How they have light brown legs that blend up into their bright green bodies.

For someone, anyone, to even make the comparison made my chest feel warm. Like I had downed a thousand shots of firewhiskey. I felt really seen in that moment. For the first time in a long time.

"Right, thank you," I said with a little more confidence than I had since he walked in.

"Right, so," he said while rubbing his hands together. "Who's up for a little game?" He started to shrug off his coat in suggestion that he was preparing to settle in for a while.

Lillian and Jean perked up at this prospect. I silently watched everything unfold, curious myself.

"We each do one more shot of firewhiskey. Really get those bold fires stoked. And then, we play truth or dare," he explained.

Jean rolled her eyes a little, but she was smiling. "It's a bit juvenile, don't you think?"

"It's more fun when firewhiskey is involved," he shot back at her playfully. "Besides, we've never played with dear Weasley here."

"I'm down," I perked up a little too eagerly. I slouched back into my seat a bit to hide it.

We all downed our next round of shots, and Rosmerta ended up bringing the whole bottle.

"Knock yourselves out," she laughed. "I know how you get, Warrington."

We passed the bottle around and took one more swig before starting the game. My head was buzzing. I felt alive. I felt courageous. Like I wanted to reach across the table and take Evan's hand. Like I could take any criticism from doing so as if they were bullets and I was bulletproof.

But I knew I couldn't do that.

"I'll go first," offered Evan. "Who'd like to do the honors?"

Lillian jumped at the opportunity. "Truth or dare, Warrington?"

"Dare," he said boldly. He looked in my direction with a smile, and I swear I almost melted under it.

"I dare you to stand on this table and proclaim your love for the person you find most attractive at Hogwarts," she giggled.

I watched Evan's Adams apple bob up and down as he swallowed. His face flashed for a moment in what seemed like panic, but he recovered quickly. He gave me a side look, and I wasn't sure why.

He looked like he was composing himself. It wasn't ever like him to be nervous.

He stood up in his seat and cupped his hands together. "Oi! I've a very important announcement to make!" The entire tavern quieted as they turned to him. "I, Evan Leonard Warrington find Celestina Maryann Perks to be the most exquisite, most _beautiful_ girl in all of Hogwarts. Thank you, carry on."

Jean and Lillian whooped loudly, and the rest of the tavern joined in. I clapped politely and smiled fakely. 

There was a small part of me that felt a pang of jealously.

But why should I?

Evan isn't gay. And even if he was, he'd never go for someone like me.

A loner.

The quiet one.

The one who'd rather spend his time with magical creatures than any people.

The insecure one.

The unfunny one.

The not handsome one.

No. It would never be a reality...

"Alright, Charlie," said Evan. His silky voice knocked me back to the present.

Wait, did he just call me Charlie? He never calls me Charlie...He always calls me Weasley.

There was a light fluttering in my chest at that realization.

No.

It was nothing. Nothing at all. Just Evan being mysterious as always.

"Truth or dare?" he asked.

"Um, truth."

"Playing it safe, I see," he teased.

I smiled shyly at him and waited for my question. He stroked his chin dramatically and squinted his eyes at me. I couldn't suppress the way the corners of my mouth were moving upward into a grin. He looked so adorable.

"Who do YOU think is the most attractive person at Hogwarts?"

Evan was wearing a small, silver, non-descript ring on his index finger. It made a clinking noise as he tapped his finger against the empty glass in his hand. He was still slightly squinting at me as if trying to read me.

"Um," I started nervously. I wish I could have said, "You. For Merlin's sake, you," but I couldn't. I almost did. The stark liquor coursing through me was having such an effect. It was difficult to fight through.

"Misty," I blurted out while thinking of the first girl I could think of. "Misty Elphick."

"She's in Ravenclaw, right?" asked Jean.

Evan's eyes didn't leave me. I felt so scrutinized, and I wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing.

"Ye-yeah. Ravenclaw. Sixth year, I think. I've never really talked to her," I explained.

"Oh! Well maybe I can talk to her for you," winked Lillian.

"Lillian knows everyone," laughed Jean. "I'm sure she could put in a good word for you."

"No!" I shouted. I could feel my eyes bulge in fear. The three of them watched me in confusion.

"It's okay. You're shy. We get it," quelled Lillian. "I won't say anything."

I could feel my pulse quicken, and everything felt dizzying.

"I have to go," I muttered anxiously. I stood up abruptly and left without saying goodbye.

I couldn't be in there anymore. I snatched my coat from the front and darted out the door before I could even put it on.

I stood outside in the cold. The snow storm had picked up considerably. I could hardly make out more than 10 feet in front of me. 

I tried to get my coat on, but I was so frustrated, worried, and semi-drunk, that I was having a difficult time. My arms flailed around, and I spun in a circle. When I stopped and tried to compose myself, I just groaned out. 

Through all the wind, I didn't even hear the door open.

"Need some help?" It was Evan. I knew it was his voice before I even turned around.

"I can put on a bloody fucking coat," I seethed.

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, and I almost jumped away from it. But it relaxed me.

I turned to face him in all my embarrassment, but he just looked concerned.

He held up my journal. "You forgot this."

I took it from his hands and thanked him. I couldn't believe I almost lost something so precious to me.

"Turn back around," he whispered.

"Wh-what?"

"Just turn back around, Charlie."

I did as he asked, and I could feel him take the half of the jacket I couldn't get on and untwist it. He held up the sleeve and allowed me to push my arm through it. 

As I was about to zip up, he grabbed my shoulders and turned me around to face him again.

He was so close to me.

I felt so incredibly small under his gaze even if he was only a few inches taller than me. The distance between our lips was a hair away. I licked my lips and gulped hard. If I just...just moved ever so slightly towards him.

Evan looked down at my zipper and pulled it up to my chin.

"There," he said. "Don't want you freezing to death on your walk back to the castle."

He held my gaze for quite some time. Mere seconds, or hours, or even years, I don't know. It felt like time had stopped.

He gave me a warm smile before turning on his heel and back inside.

And I walked back to the castle with more confusion than I've ever had to shoulder.


	4. Missed Connections

When I arrived back at my dorm, I flopped onto the bed, not caring that my clothes were soaked from the snow.

I just laid there. It seemed an impossible amount of time passed.

My head was still in a tizzy about the afternoon.

I needed to write to Moony. I did leave him rather suddenly.

_I'm sorry I rushed off earlier._

**That's alright. I hope things are okay?**

_Tell me about your dream dweller. What's he like in real life?_

**He has a nickname too. Padfoot. He's tall, but not much taller than me. He has beautiful, chin length, black hair. Somedays it's rather straight, and somedays it's wild and curly. It's kind of like him. Sometimes he can be the most relaxed person in the room. Fill everyone with unwavering calm. Other times, he's chaotic. Like a hurricane, I suppose. Most of it is wild and messy. But when you hit the eye, oh man it's peaceful. And the mess is worth it.**

_He sounds interesting._

**Interesting doesn't even begin to cover it. He has this smile. He looks at me with it, and I swear it's like I've never known pain.**

_You love him._

**Hm.**

It was blank for a while. I contemplated writing something back, but his vague response left me thinking he was either pondering something or that I had upset him. But he soon wrote back.

**I do. I really do. What about E?**

_That's the thing. When I said I had to go and that someone was there..._

**That was him?**

_Yes...I was shocked. He's never really talked to me before. A handful of times here or there. Mainly to ask about where we were at in the lecture because he's so lost._

**What happened this afternoon?**

_We drank. Talked. He called me by my name. My first name. He usually calls me by my last. It felt...special in some way. I'm sure I'm overthinking it._

**I know that feeling all too well.**

_How so?_

**I don't want to bore you.**

_I'm not bored. I'm fascinated by you. You're the first person I've met who's gay. It makes me feel less lonely. And for that, you could never, ever bore me. So tell me. I want to hear. If you want to share._

**Very well. I met Padfoot in our first year. Prongs too. We were all sorted into the same house. I instantly felt drawn to him. I was much more shy than him and Prongs. And I had my own personal reasons not to get close to someone. Anyone, really. But I suppose, those two have always brought out the best in me. He's always been a bit of a rebel, my Padfoot. He rebelled against his family and their beliefs, he's always sneaking out or pulling some prank. Girls fawn over the "bad boy" persona all the time. He ignored it in public, but he always talked about secretly loving the attention. I was always crushed.**

_When did he find out how you felt?_

**Not until our fifth year, actually. I-**

The writing stopped for a moment.

_Moony? Is everything okay?_

**There are somethings I cannot tell you. Not yet, at least. Let's just say, I have a grave secret. Padfoot played a "prank" on someone in the school. Someone we all hated. It caused this person to accidentally find out my secret. I could have hurt him. I'd never be able to live with myself if I did. So when I found out that Padfoot had set it all up, accident or not, I was furious.**

_What happened?_

**I hit him. Well, slapped him. I started crying, and I pounded my fists into his chest. He just grabbed my wrists and pulled me into a hug. Asked me what was wrong. I told him he was stupid and arrogant for what he did. He apologized, and I said that it wasn't enough, but that I forgave him. He asked me why, and I crumbled. "Isn't it obvious? After half a decade of stolen glances, fingers brushing against each other, secretive smiles, that I'm bloody in love with you?" I screamed at him. I remember yanking my arms from his grasp so hard that it startled him. I turned to leave. I was so embarrassed and scared I had just ruined our friendship. But he stopped me.**

_Well don't keep me in suspense._

**Never. Anyway, He stopped me, turned me around, and just grabbed my face and kissed me. I had no idea he felt the same way. All those little moments I told him, and now you, about, I always felt I overthought them. Told myself they meant nothing. That I was reading too much into it.**

_But you weren't. And it paid off to be honest with yourself it seems._

**Yes, exactly, Red.**

_I can't do that yet._

**One day you'll be ready.**

_I wish I was brave like you._

**Oh, my dear, you are brave. Even telling one soul is brave. You owe nothing to no one. Your life and your happiness is your own. People's say in it can never effect it, but never push yourself to do something you are not ready for.**

_I want to meet you. I want to put a face to this._

**Red...I'm not sure. I'm out with my circle of friends, but I'm not out entirely.**

_I'm not asking you to do that. We can just meet as friends. In the library studying. Or we can meet in secret. Tonight. The Astronomy tower?_

**What time?**

_Midnight?_

**I'll see you up there.**

I rushed through showering, getting ready, and eating dinner. I could hardly hide my excitement. After dinner, I sat in the common room and read a book of poetry for hours until it was half eleven. I wanted to get there early to calm myself.

After successfully sneaking away to the Astronomy tower with an extra thick coat and a blanket for the wind, I sat down on the edge of the tower and looked out into the night.

My feet dangled over the edge, and my arms leaned against the railing. I pulled the blanket tighter over my legs.

The deep indigo sky held few visible stars that night. The moon hung low beyond the black mountains in the distance. The mauve colored clouds seemed to roll quickly across the atmosphere.

I was so nervous.

I finally had a friend I could talk to. Who got it.

I didn't even hear any footsteps come up the stairs, so I was startled when a voice called out behind me.

"Weasley?" Evan. It was Evan.

I whipped my head around so fast to look at him. "M-Moony?" I asked shakily in a faint whisper.

"Who? Have you gone and bonked your head?" he laughed.

I looked down at my watch. It was 20 minutes past the hour. Moony was late, and it seemed obvious that Evan wasn't my secret pen-pal.

Which was somehow disappointing and relieving. 

He wasn't Moony which meant I still figured he was straight, but there was still some uncertainty. But if he was Moony, I know I'd be saddened to know he was with someone.

Either way you turn it though, I probably didn't stand a chance.

"Sorry, just a bit distracted."

Evan took a few steps towards me. He towered over me now that I was on the ground.

"May I join you?" he asked.

"Of-of course."

I lifted the blanket from the side to offer him the space and the warmth if he desired it. When he sat down, his thigh brushed up against mine. 

He was so close.

Again.

I draped the blanket over his lap, and he smiled warmly at me. My gut dropped down into my pelvis like it was falling through a pit.

"What brings you out here so late at night?" he asked.

"Nothing. I just couldn't sleep. So, I came out for the peace and quiet." I wondered if mentioning not sleeping would rile some reaction out of him, but he remained stoic.

"It is quite a view, isn't it?" he asked. But he wasn't looking at the view. He was looking at me.

"Yeah, it's nice."

"So, sleep troubles? I'm sorry to hear. I generally sleep like a rock. A second wizarding war could be waging outside our window, and I'd sleep right through it," he laughed.

"Yeah, it's fine. I'm used to it. A friend recommended a tea I try. So...I'm going to um, try that at some point." Another piece of bait, but still nothing.

Merlin, why was this so agonizing? I hate small talk. Anything but small talk, please.

"My father always jokes that I'm not a proper English chap. I hate tea. I get it from my muggle, American mother apparently."

"Oh? What do you like then?"

"Coffee. All day everyday," he chuckled.

"So why are YOU out here, Evan?" I asked after a few moments of quiet.

"Hiding."

I arched my brow at him in contemplation. "Hiding from...?"

He breathed in shakily. He crossed his arms on top of each other on the railing. He rested his head on top of them. I was in this same position already. His fingers stretched out on the railing, and they were so close to touching mine. If I just inched ever so slightly, they would be.

"Celestina," he said ruefully.

"Why are you hiding from the girl you find most attractive in all of Hogwarts?"

"One of her friends was in the tavern earlier. Overhead the thing, told Celestina, yada yada. Celestina showed up in my room in the middle of the night. She wanted to...thank me. With her mouth, but not with her words," he grimaced.

"That still doesn't explain why you're hiding from her. I thought you were into her?"

"I'm not. I just said it for the dare. Which is kind of a git thing to do, I know. When she came in, I felt so bad. I didn't think it'd escalate. I just...ran."

"Then that just leaves one more question."

"What?" he asked.

"Who _is_ the girl you find most attractive in all of Hogwarts?"

Silence emitted for awhile, but that was okay. It was comfortable, and I wanted to give Evan all the time he needed to answer.

"Well...she...is really beautiful. Her hair puts the sun to shame. Her eyes are so striking, so captivating. She um...she's rather quiet. Spends a lot of time outdoors I've noticed. She doesn't attract a lot of attention to herself, which is wild to me. I'm shocked people aren't just...throwing themselves at her feet."

"Why's that?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing," he whispered. He started to strum his fingers on the railing. The tips of them stretched out further and brushed against mine.

I instinctively recoiled, and I wished I hadn't.

"Sorry," he blurted as he snatched his arm away. In the pale moonlight, I thought I could see his cheeks flushing a bit.

Was it because of how I reacted, or because he didn't want to touch me?

I was more confused than ever.

Did that mean anything? I couldn't help but think about Moony's words earlier. When he talked about the shared looks, the brushing of fingers together. Was it just wishful thinking, or did Evan do it on purpose, and now I'd gone and mucked it up?

Evan stood up and dusted himself off. "Right, um. I should go back to bed. It's late. I'll probably still have an angry girl in my bed to deal with..."

"Of course. Yeah. Please, get some rest."

Evan's lips turned into a thin line. Almost like he wanted to smile but couldn't bring himself to mean it.

After he left, I banged my head against the railing.

I'm such an idiot.

Evan is not into me.

And Moony didn't show up.

I was back to where I started.

All alone.

Always all alone.


	5. Reconcile

I was furious that Moony didn't show up. I knew he had some doubts about it, but it never feels good to be left hanging.

And what the hell happened with Evan? I completely blew it.

If there was even anything to blow anyway.

I doubted it.

I couldn't stop the swarm of self doubting thoughts that invaded my brain. The ones that poked and prodded at every corner of my mind and buzzed around until I drove myself mad with anxiety.

Even though it was well past midnight, I tore open my journal to write Moony. I sat in the common room for light and privacy.

_Where were you? I'm really disappointed._

A moment or two passed before anything appeared.

I was beginning to think he wouldn't write back. Maybe I did something to upset him. That's why he didn't show. Maybe he saw me up there, got scared, and turned back. 

I couldn't stop overthinking it.

**Where was I? Where were you?**

_What? I was there. I was there half an hour early. I just got back to the common room._

**Red, You were not there. I don't appreciate liars. Especially ones who lie multiple times. You can't be in the common room. I'm there right now.**

_Moony, what? I'm literally sat here right by the fire. Look, if you didn't want to show up, just say so. I know you were on the fence. I won't judge you. I mean, I was almost caught by Professor Snape. Lucky thing I'm a prefect and could have talked my way out of it._

**Red...Professor Snape? Severus isn't a professor. Are you okay?**

_Yes he is? He's been the Potions professor since I can remember._

**That second rate wizard is a lazy, half ass student in our year. No way he could ever be a professor, let alone pass for one.**

_Moony...What year is it?_

**What kind of question is that? It's 1978, of course.**

_No, it's 1991._

**What are you talking about?**

_Do you think it's possible we're talking across space and time? I mean, the idea alone that we can talk to each other at all through this journal is wild. It would make sense why we both missed each other on the tower and now in the common room._

**I...I guess it's possible. I'm sorry then that I made a promise I couldn't keep. I hope you didn't wait around too long up there. And I'm sorry for being so cross.**

_I'm sorry too. I did wait around for a bit, but I wasn't alone. E dropped by._

**Did he now? How did that go?**

_Is there one word for "absolutely the most horrendously, monstrous, disaster to ever happen on planet earth?"_

**Yeesh. That bad? What'd you do? Throw him over the ledge?**

_Would you believe me if I said that would have somehow been less embarrassing?_

**I'm sure it's not as bad as you think.**

_There was this moment...It reminded me of something you said about Padfoot. Our fingers...they were so close. His brushed against mine for a moment, and I freaked out. I yanked my hand back so hard, and he left so suddenly. I feel like I mucked it all up. But then, I keep circling back to the thought. What if it didn't mean anything at all? What if I just freaked him out, and he didn't even feel anything in the first place?_

**Just talk to him.**

_Easy for you to say!_

**When I blurted out that I was in love with Padfoot, it was anything but easy. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. But you know what was easy?**

_What?_

**What came after. In that moment between the last words leaving my mouth and Padfoot kissing me, the silence was thick, almost deadly. The anticipation of what was to come was insufferable. But it was liberating. I said it. The two-ton weight was off my chest. Now I could know either way.**

_That makes sense._

**So, if you tell E, it will definitely be scary and hard. I cannot lie to you about that. It will rock you to your core to find out where he stands. But you WILL know where he stands.**

_I know that you're right, but I cannot do it. Not yet._

**You take the time you need, but know this: People cannot wait forever.**

_I know...Thank you, Moony. Talking with you always makes me feel better. Less isolated._

**Surely you have other friends you can confide in?**

_Not really...I was always a bit of a loner. When I started hanging out with Hagrid and Acromantula's more than other people, I missed out on opportunities to make friends._

**It's never too late to make friends.**

_You're proving that to me more and more everyday. But it's different in person. People try to talk to me because I'm the quidditch captain and seeker, but their talk is always superficial. And...I love quidditch. Don't get me wrong. I've had recruiters reach out, but it's not what I want to do with my life. So it's hard to talk about when I just...don't want to talk about it. Agh, sorry. I'm rambling. I do that when I get nervous._

**Why are you nervous?**

_I don't know. I guess the reality of the real world is settling in. Final months of school and all._

**You don't know what you want to do yet? McGonagall pounded that into our heads starting fourth year.**

_No, no. I do know what I want to do. It's just not very common. A lot of people don't understand. They get disinterested when I try to talk about it._

**What is it that you want to do?**

_Dragonology. At the Romania sanctuary._

**WHO WOULD BE DISINTERESTED IN THAT?! That's single-handedly the most badass thing I've ever heard anyone say.**

_Really? Most people get weirded out. They say it's too dangerous or too unrealistic._

**I wish you could see me right now. I'm blowing the world's longest and loudest raspberry. I hope you're not listening to those people.**

_Of course not. But again, that's why I don't have many friends._

**That and you spend afternoons cuddling creepy crawlies.**

_Acromantula's are seriously misunderstood creatures._

**Okay, you seriously sounded like Hagrid right now. Don't do that. Okay, besides the obvious dragon, what's your favorite creature?**

_Abraxans._

**Aren't those like those big winged horses?**

_I'm appalled you're diminishing the power of an abraxan to "those big winged horses"._

**That's what they are though, right?**

_I mean...yes...but they're much more than that._

**Okay. Tell me how.**

_They're steely beasts. Very proud like a hippogriff, but when you finally bond with one, they're so loyal. But only on their terms. They won't come to your beck and call at all times, but when they do, it feels special. Rumor has it that there's a group of abraxans at Beauxbatons that only drink single malt whiskey._

**Okay. Consider me convinced. They sound pretty cool.**

_There's hardly a magical creature I think that isn't cool._

**I'd love to hear more about your love for creatures, but unfortunately I'm nodding off on this couch. I'll try to write soon. Next time, tell me all about dragons. Rest well.**

_Goodnight, Moony. Sweet dreams._

I closed the journal reluctantly. It was late, but I wasn't ready to say goodnight.

It was such a nice chat with Moony, but he had a point. I too was nodding off.

As my head hit the pillow, all my doubts and insecurities about myself faded away. Little steps in the right direction filled me with a hope I hadn't known in a long time.


	6. Padfoot and Moony

When I woke the next day, I was impatient to get through my classes to talk to Moony again. After my last class, I rushed through the halls to get to the library and find a quiet corner.

Thankfully, since it was a Monday, there were hardly any students there, and I tucked myself into a secluded section. 

I pulled out the journal and began to write.

_Ugh, Moony. Sorry to bother you. I couldn't sleep at all last night. My thoughts were consumed by anxiety. I want to tell E. I want to tell my family. I'm just so scared._

**Hi, Red. You're not bothering me at all. In fact, I'm just lounging around with Padfoot. Trust me, I've been in your shoes. The right time will come, and when it does, you'll know.**

_Did you ever have any other suspicions about Padfoot before you told him how you felt? Like, besides all the little moments._

**There was one time. It was kind of big, but I brushed it off.**

_Can I hear the story?_

Moony's words appeared like lightning, and they didn't stop coming.

_**Moony's POV:** _

Last night's transformation took a toll on me. I'm not sure why it was so much harder than previous ones.

As I stumbled into the common room at the early hours of the morning, I wanted nothing more than to lay my weary body in bed and sleep the day away. I was thankful that the full moon landed on a weekend so that I didn't have to mull through classes on an hour or two of sleep.

But before I could even think of getting into bed, I desperately wanted a shower. 

I'm not sure what I got into last night. I'll have to ask James. He was the only one who could come with me last night.

I crept into the showers as silently as I could after grabbing some clothes and a towel.

As I stepped into the hot shower, I felt my sore muscles begin to relax a little.

"Shit," I whispered to myself. I had forgotten to grab my shampoo and soap. I was so tired beyond any function. I kept the water running but draped the towel over my waist and snuck back into my room for my essentials.

Upon returning to the showers, I noticed Sirius.

He also had a towel only wrapped around his waist.

Very, very low.

As he turned around and noticed me, my eyes immediately darted to his sharp v-line. I gulped, and it felt like the loudest thing in the room.

I quickly brought my eyes back up to him and hoped he didn't notice, or at least thought nothing of it. He looked at the ground and smiled a bit. His long, dark hair drooped in front of his face, and he pushed it back slowly.

He brought his eyes back up to me while scanning my body from the ground up. I was suddenly very aware of how wet I was.

I cleared my throat and said hello.

"Long night?" asked Sirius.

"Very."

"Sorry I couldn't be there, mate. Stupid group project."

"It's alright. I managed, as always."

I hadn't noticed it, but the tucked in part of my towel started to undo itself, and as soon as I took a step towards my shower, the whole thing fell.

Embarrassed, I bent down and covered up quickly.

Sirius had this smirk on his face. I couldn't read what kind it was. He looked amused, surprised, maybe even...impressed? 

No. I was reading too much into it.

I ducked into my shower and finished washing off as fast as I could. I was hardly out the door when something I heard stopped me in my tracks.

It was a moan.

Was...was Sirius touching himself?

I could feel tingles traveling through my spine. 

There was another moan. Louder and unmistakable. I held my breath and waited at the door. It felt wrong to stay and listen, but I was entranced. 

"Uhh, yes. Just like that," groaned Sirius.

Fuck, okay. This wasn't right.

As I darted out of the door, I could have sworn that I heard him moan my name.

I wanted nothing more than to turn back inside, rip open that shower curtain and confront him. But I couldn't. 

As I tossed and turned in bed, my body fighting me to finally get some rest, sleep eluded me. I couldn't stop thinking of him. What he'd look like with his hands on himself, how he'd looked when he was hard, watching his eyes roll back as I pleased him.

It was just a fantasy and would always remain to be so.

I could feel my own cock pulsing in conjunction with my thoughts. Slowly beating against my briefs, begging to be freed.

But I ignored it.

As much as I longed to be with him, as much as I yearned to touch him, it felt wrong to touch myself to thoughts of my friend.

So I restrained myself.

And I got very little sleep while still pondering about his time in the shower. Had he known I was still in there? He didn't wait very long for me to leave. He had to have known I wouldn't have been out yet.

No. 

Stop overthinking it.

_**Charlie's POV:** _

I watched the words finally come to a stop, and I finally let go of a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. 

_Wow, um..._

**Sorry, too much detail?**

_No, no. I just can't imagine how you felt._

**Horny.**

_Don't make me laugh too hard. I'm in the library._

**Sorry. It's just refreshing to be so honest with someone other than Sirius and James.**

_That's the first time you told me their names. So Sirius is Padfoot, and James is Prongs?_

**Yes. And I figured I could tell you since we're from different times. It doesn't really matter if you know.**

_You still haven't told me your name though._

**Aye, that is true. I don't know. I like being a little secretive.**

_That's fine. I won't push it. I do have to ask though..._

**What is it?**

_You mentioned something about a transformation..._

**I suppose you'd find out one day or another. I'm a werewolf.**

_What?_

**Yes. Please don't leave me.**

_A full-fledged, howling, turning at a full moon, werewolf? And why would I leave you?_

**I've seen other werewolves in the wizarding world. They aren't treated kindly. People might as well spit in our faces when they learn who we are. Many are so ostracized to the point of living in squalor and homelessness. Werewolves are dangerous, Red. We transform and completely forget who we are in the moment. I'd tear apart Sirius and James if I saw them. I almost always remember everything that happens. I just can't control it.**

_If you would "tear apart Sirius and James", how is it that you mentioned that James was with you that night?_

**Prongs and Padfoot are their nicknames for a reason. Once they found out what I was, they didn't hesitate to turn themselves into animagi to be with me. James into a stag, Sirius into a dog. They sit with me in their animal form. Keep me company. Since they're not human then, the bloodlust ceases.**

_They sound like really good friends. That transformation into animagi isn't easy._

**They're the best a lad could ask for.**

_Can I ask another question?_

**Sure.**

_How did it happen?_

**I was five. Fenrir Greyback was on trial at the Ministry for killing two children, but he duped the court. Pretended he was a muggle. They couldn't prove anything, so they released him. My father worked at the ministry. He was so outraged and voiced that Fenrir should have been killed. Fenrir snuck into my bedroom at night and infected me as payback. We think he might have intended to kill me, but my father drove him off before he could.**

_You've been transforming every full moon since you were five?_

**Yes...12 years. It never gets easier. With Sirius and James though, it makes me feel less lonely.**

_I can't imagine..._

**Being a gay werewolf definitely has its downsides. There's no part of me that's accepted.**

_You are accepted here, Moony. And it's quite evident you're accepted with Sirius and James as well._

**Of course.**

_Thank you for sharing your story. Merlin, every time we talk, I don't think you could get any cooler or braver, but you always outdo yourself._

**You flatter me too much.**

_It's just the truth. And thank you also for making me feel less alone._

**Of course. I must go now. Sirius keeps kissing my back and demanding cuddles. I can never say no to that face.**

_No worries. I should probably start on my Potions essay._

**One question. Is Severus REALLY the Potions professor?**

_Somehow I feel like I shouldn't be telling you this. So as not to effect the past or whatever, but yes._

**I understand that. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone anything you tell me.**

_I know you won't. Enjoy the rest of your afternoon._

**You too, Red.**

I closed the journal and smiled. Moony was opening up more, and even if he wasn't of this time, I had a friend. 

A real friend.

Just as I opened my Potions textbook, it was immediately slammed closed. I stared at the slender fingers that were now resting on top of my book, and I trailed the paths of its veins all the way up to his face.

It was Evan.

"Hi, Charlie."


	7. Maybe Someday

I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of Evan's voice gruffly calling out to me.

"SHUSH!" hissed Madam Pince.

I pressed my lips together to avoid laughing, but looking at Evan's face as he did the same, we both burst into laughter.

Madam Pince strutted over with determination. She was always a bit crabby about the library, and I knew were about to be kicked out.

"Out," she huffed.

I collected my things in my bag and slung it over my shoulder. Once Evan and I were out, he scanned me for a moment while smiling.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing. Just never seen you have a bit of fun before."

"I wouldn't call that fun," I laughed. 

"Okay, fine. I don't regularly see you laughing with people or, I dunno. Breaking rules."

I walked over to a nearby stone bench in the hall and slumped onto it. "Are you saying I'm not fun?" I teased.

"I didn't say that. Though, I can't be too sure considering we never hang out."

"We've been in the same house for six and a half years."

"Exactly! Why are you never around? You're the bloody quidditch captain and a brilliant seeker! I never see you at parties or sitting with anyone in the Great Hall."

"I can't stand parties," I mumbled.

"Why not?"

I sighed deeply. "I don't care about quidditch." Evan's brows perked up in curiosity. "I mean, I do. Obviously, or I wouldn't play. But it's not what I want to do with my life. People always want to talk about quidditch or ask me about Bill because he's my hot, older brother. I guess, I'm used to not being so seen. So, I'd rather be invisible than be seen for someone I'm not."

"Why don't you make them see you, Charlie?" he whispered.

I turned my body to face him more. My knees almost knocked into his. "If I told a group of drunk people that I like to spend my Sunday afternoons looking after Acromantulas with Hagrid, I'd be laughed at."

I watched Evan's eyes grow wider, and I immediately regretted saying anything. I shut my eyes and pinched my face together in frustration.

Why was I always fucking something up?

"Acromantulas? As in, giant, furry, terrifying SPIDERS?!" squeaked Evan.

"Yes," I chuckled. "They're not half bad. When they're not in a murderous mood. They just need extra care and attention."

Evan eyed me inquisitively. "You really like magical creatures, don't you? I mean, you'd have to if you enjoy spending time with a spider that's as bloody tall as you are."

"Yeah, uh, I do."

"So, what is it you want to be when you get out of here in a couple of months? Breeder? Owl Post Office worker? Magizoologist? Ooooh, an Owlet Trainer? How about a-"

"Evan, Christ," I laughed. "Know a lot about magical creature jobs do ya?"

"A few," he smiled coyly. "My dad actually works at the Ministry in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures."

"Oh," I whispered. I was surprised.

"Oh?"

"I just didn't peg you for a guy to care about magical creatures. Nothing against you, erm, of course. Just no one really cares," I whispered.

"I know next to nothing about creatures, but over the years, I've picked up a thing or two from one of my dad's vodka rambles."

"Your dad likes vodka?"

Evan nodded slightly as if he was embarrassed.

"My mum does too," I stated.

"What's with that?!" shouted Evan in a huff. "Stuff tastes like fucking-"

"Nail polish remover," we both said at the same time, rolling into another fit of laughter.

Things felt so easy and relaxed with Evan when I wasn't I wasn't thinking too hard about it. Why couldn't it be like this all the time?

Suddenly I remembered that he came to me in the library, seemingly intent on discussing something.

"Say, did you have something you wanted to talk about? I assume you didn't find me in the library just to get me kicked out," I teased.

"Right," he said while snapping his fingers in remembrance. "Valentine's day is this weekend..."

My palms started to sweat, and I tried my hardest to act casual. "Ye-yeah..."

"It's a rubbish holiday, in my opinion. What do you say we do something? I can head into Hogsmeade and buy chocolate we can gorge on, and we can project a movie in our dorm? Something gore filled and scary."

"Uh-" My breath caught in my throat. "Yeah, sure. Sounds great. How are we going to watch a movie though?"

"Rumor has it that Filch's office is loaded with confiscated tapes and a projector. So, easy. I'll sneak in, grab the stuff, sneak out. He'll never know. He has so much shit in there that I doubt he'd miss it."

"That sounds great. Just don't get caught."

"Worried about me, Weasley?" he smiled.

"Nah. It's just, if you get caught, then you've ruined the entire evening," I joked.

"An evening spent with me could never be ruined," he winked. He clamped his hand down on my shoulder for a brief moment and squeezed before standing up. Everything in me froze yet again and threatened to pull away, but I savored in the moment. "See you later, Charlie," he whispered before heading down the corridor without a second glance.

I so desperately wanted to write to Moony, but I knew he was busy with Sirius.

I busied myself for the rest of the day and finally went to sleep, excited for the next day to talk to Moony again. When I found a spare moment, I tucked my knees closer to my chest and rested the journal against my thighs. 

_Enjoy your night with Sirius?_

**Madly so. He's always so warm and cozy.**

_Glad to hear it!_

**Anything new happen in the last 24 hours?**

_E asked me to hang out with him on Valentines day. Said he was going to break into Filch's office and get some supplies to watch a movie together._

**That sounds romantic. How do you feel?**

_Terrified. I'm not sure if it's just as friends or what. He said the holiday is rubbish. Which, it is. But it's like, every time he touches me, my body goes insane and lights up. It's maddening._

**I felt the same with Sirius. Still feel the same way.**

_Can I ask you something?_

**Always.**

_What was your first Valentine's with him like?_

**Well...**

**_ Moony's POV: _ **

Sirius just asked me on a Valentine's date. He didn't say what we would be doing. He said it was a surprise and to try and dress a bit warm. 

I had been fussing with my hair for hours now. Not that there's much texture or anything to it, but I just want everything to be perfect. 

Like he always is.

James was sprawled out on my bed with his legs dangling over the side. He had one hand relaxed behind his head, and the other held his wand. He was twirling it around between his fingers and watching it in fascination, ignoring all my groans.

"JAMES!" I huffed with an annoyed foot stamp. 

"Bloody hell, what?" he croaked as he dropped his wand onto his face.

"I'm so nervous. Please talk me out of ditching."

James jumped right up to his feet and sprang over to me. He took my shoulders in both hands and forced me to look at him. He was only just a bit shorter than me, but his presence was always powerful and demanding.

"Do you need an escape broom? I'll be there and ready. You just say the word and we'll fly off to France or something. Drink cheap wine and eat expensive cheese."

"No, James. I'm not going to back out. I can't. I've waited for this for too long."

"Exactly! So, look at me? You're going to be fine. Sirius can't bloody shut up about you," smiled James. "It's about fucking time too, yeah? Took you two long enough."

Just as James had finished speaking, there was a soft knock on the door before it was pushed open. Sirius was standing there in nice dress pants and a tucked in, white dress shirt. Truthfully, it was probably just his school uniform, but he still looked so handsome. His dark blue pea coat consumed most of his body. 

His smile was radiant. He kept looking between the flowers in his hands and back at me. 

I all but dissolved under his gaze.

He was holding a bouquet of pink roses and looked extremely bashful. "I uh, hope these are okay," he chuckled. "I know that different rose colors have different meanings, but these were all I could pluck from the castle grounds."

I strode over shakily and took them from his hand, placing as chaste kiss on his cheek. As I turned around to place the flowers somewhere, James took them from me and turned me back around to face Sirius.

Sirius was beaming. His smile burned right through me.

I felt simultaneously destroyed and put back together again.

"Shall we?" asked Sirius.

"Lead the way," I smiled.

Sirius led me out of the castle and towards the Great Lake just as the sun was starting to slip in the distance behind the mountains. Orange cream and dazzling yellow mixed together in the sky in a dance of artistry and an encore of indigo.

Laid out by the lake side was a picnic blanket and a small basket with food.

Sirius sat down first and then beckoned me to join him. As I started to sit next to him, he protested and motioned for me to sit between his legs. I nestled in a bit nervously and immediately just melted into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

Sirius kissed my neck furiously and laughed between each one. "What a view, yeah?" he asked.

"It's incredible," I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"I just wish we could do this more publicly. I hate hiding you. Hiding my love for you."

"Maybe someday we won't have to," he whispered in my ear. The vague promise filled me up with the last bit of hope I needed to not be so afraid.

Sirius opened the basket up and fed me various fruits and snacks. We watched the sun disappear and the moon take its place. The shining silver glow encased the reflective water before us.

Tons of stars littered the night sky, but I couldn't stop staring at the moon.

All the years, all my life, such a trivial thing to others, but terrifying to me. Even on nights it wasn't full. And for the first time ever, I looked at it with a deep appreciation. A deep love. A longing to be here every day of forever just gazing at her sacred beauty so long as I was in the arms of Sirius Black.

_** Charlie's POV: ** _

_Wow, sounds romantic._

**Copy cat.**

_I mean it though._

**Listen, Red. I know it's scary and hard out there. I want nothing more than for you to be out and proud. Holding your lover's hand. Whether that's E or someone else. I know not what the future holds, but I believe in Sirius's words. Maybe someday.**

_Maybe someday._

**You will be loved fully to the extent you so deeply desire. You will.**

_Thank you, Moony. This really helped me feel better about hanging out with E. Which is, ugh, in a few days. Let's hope I don't talk myself out of it._

**Need an escape broom? ;)**

_Aren't you meant to be talking me INTO this? Not out?_

**I know you won't back out. I don't need to convince you.**

_How are you so sure?_

**I just...am. I don't know why. But I can sense it. I'm sorry, but I must go again. My free period is over, and Sprout will kill me if I'm late to her class again.**

Maybe someday.

Maybe someday.

I kept repeating the words in my head until they seared into my heart.

Maybe someday.

I will make it happen.


	8. Broken Hearts Club

Valentine's day came swiftly. Normally, I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. From the halls that were lined with crafted paper hearts and glittered streamers to singing cupids around every corner.

It's not that I was sour about love. I love love, in fact. I just don't think there needs to be a specific holiday to celebrate it. It feels...forced.

Like, if I or someone else don't do something on that day, it suddenly means we don't love or care for the other person? I want surprises sprung on me in the heat of the moment. Walk by a candy store and stop in for some chocolates and tell me, "I just thought of you." It's way more romantic, way more precious.

On the actual day, I hadn't seen Evan at all. He wasn't in classes. 

I tried to tell myself that he was just trying to carry out his plan to sneak into Filch's office. I wish I had offered to help him. He shouldn't be doing this alone.

But it was too late now, especially since I had no idea where he was.

When I got to my last class of Transfiguration, Lillian and Jean walked in and sat at the table on either side of me. They looked beautiful as always, even if a bit windswept with rosy cheeks. 

Lillian's long, wavy, brown hair was parted in the middle, and she was playing with it nervously. Jean had her dirty blonde hair wrapped up in a tight, high bun on her head. She was strumming her fingers on the table, also looking a bit nervous.

"Everything alright, ladies?" I asked coolly. 

Lillian sighed and turned to me. "You know how Evan hates Valentines day, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he and I were talking the other day. I couldn't stop talking about how excited I was, and he made a jab at me for not even having a date. He wasn't trying to be callous, but it hurt," she explained.

"A girl like you, I'm sure you'd have no trouble getting a date. You're really beautiful," I assured.

She sighed again. "I _had_ a date in mind."

"But...?" I asked.

"He rejected me...I thought-I thought we got on well," she said scornfully.

"I'm telling you, Lil. Blaise is gay," whispered Jean.

I stiffened in my seat. The cool wood of the back of my chair did little to calm me. "Bl-Blaise Zabini? That Slytherin bloke?" I inquired.

"Yes," said Jean. "He hasn't dated a single girl all seven years. I'm pretty sure he and Malfoy are dating. They're really lowkey about it though."

"Well, why didn't you tell me that BEFORE I went and made a fool of myself?" hissed Lillian.

Jean didn't have a chance to answer as Professor McGonagall cleared her throat to begin the lesson. Whatever we were learning that day fell on deaf ears for me. I couldn't bring myself to focus. 

Blaise and Draco? I never would have thought. Then again, they're in Slytherin together and hardly ever interacted with anyone outside their own house.

I always wrote that off as their own prejudices against any house that wasn't Slytherin, but their sense of staying out of drama made me wonder if it was just because they harbored this secret they did.

A secret like I did.

I tucked the mental note away and told myself to track them down and speak with them.

But how? I didn't want to corner them and make them feel pressured. I know I would hate for that to happen to me.

Each day was growing lonelier and lonelier. I knew that in just a few months time that I would be gone from Hogwarts and none of it would matter. I could leave and start over. Be myself.

But those were still a few months I had to endure, and they were feeling harder and harder to steel myself for.

I wasn't even aware of class ending until I saw the mindless shuffle of students out of the corner of my eye. Lillian and Jean were eyeing me with concern. "You okay?" asked Jean. "You looked completely spaced out all lesson."

"I'm fine. Say, speaking of Evan from earlier, have either of you seen him all day? He hasn't been in any classes."

"Oh, shit," breathed Lillian. "You hadn't heard."

"Heard what?" I asked a little too frantically. 

"Evan got busted this morning for something. I think what I heard was he was trying to break into Filch's office. And he was caught by Snape," she explained.

"Yeah, so, you can imagine they're all in Dumbledore's office bargaining about his punishment," said Jean. "They've been in there most of the day I think. Unless Evan just went back to his room."

I tried my best to feign too much interest. I tried to fall somewhere between cold and concerned. It was hard because I was more than concerned. He tried to do all this to hang out with me, and now he was in trouble.

I parted ways with Jean and Lillian outside of the classroom. They wanted to head to Madam Puddifoots for tea. They asked me to join, but I declined.

I needed to see if Evan was in his room.

The walk to the Gryffindor tower felt like it took ages. I tried not to walk too hastily and become out of breath, but each stride made me more and more anxious.

As I stepped through the portrait to the common room, I was surprised to find it mostly bare. There was no bustle of students around the fireplace like normal. Perhaps they were all out, excited for the holiday.

I clumsily made my way up the stairs. Why was I stumbling over myself so much? I've never had this problem. All my agility and grace were always on full display during quidditch matches.

I'm Charlie fucking Weasley.

But some days, especially today, I don't feel like it.

I didn't even realize when I reached Evan's dorm door. I breathed in as much courage as I could before knocking. A muffled voice crept from the other side. "Come in."

I opened the door and found Evan sprawled out on his bed. The first one of the left. He was laying on his back with his wand in the air. He was twirling the tip around as it produced a small flurry of snowflakes above his head. 

He didn't acknowledge my presence for a moment, so I wasn't sure what to say or do. Any words I wanted to say caught in my throat.

"Come here," ordered Evan. His voice was low and gruff. The command pulled me out of my trance, and I knew I would do anything he asked. 

I swiftly closed the distance between my position and the side of his bed. " _Finite_ ," he whispered, and the magic he was producing ceased. 

He hadn't looked at me yet. 

He scooted over on his tiny, twin sized bed to make room. He didn't say it, but I sensed he wanted me to join him. I laid next to him and glanced his way. He wouldn't tear his eyes from the ceiling, so I looked up at it too.

We were so close that our legs were touching.

"What's your punishment?" I asked slowly.

Evan grinned a bit. "Take me dinner first, Weasley."

He was trying to use humor to cope with the situation which just made me more worried for him. When I didn't react to his joke, partly from the concern, partly because of the innuendo, he finally spoke again.

"I have to clean all the bathrooms with Filch for a week. By hand. No magic whatsoever."

"Christ, that's rough. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, finally turning his head to face me.

"You wouldn't be in trouble if it wasn't for me. I should have talked you out of it."

"Nonsense. I'd do it again for you."

I paused for a moment, unsure how to respond. "Why?" 

"What do you mean why?" he asked almost painfully.

"I'm...not that special. I'm just a boy."

"Oh, Charlie," he cooed. He turned on his side completely, propping himself on his elbow to fully face me. "You're entirely too hard on yourself. You're a wonderful human, a bloody good quidditch player, so compassionate and smart, and I feel so happy that you're my mate now."

_Mate._

That word hung thick in the air and dried out my mouth. I cleared my throat a little and tried to swallow. "Yeah, yeah. I'm happy too, Evan," I breathed.

My chest felt a little tight, and I couldn't prevent his words from echoing over and over in my head.

I climbed out of his bed, sitting on the edge with my hands gripping into the sheets.

"You alright?" asked Evan.

"Fine, um. Just remembered this essay I need to work on. I should go."

"What? No. Let's go to Hogsmeade and meet up with Lillian and Jean. Don't work on bloody Valentines day. Hang with your mates."

"I should go," was all I could repeat as I bolted off the bed and towards the door. Whatever protests Evan was shouting at me became white noise as I went down the hall to my own room. I threw myself onto the bed, thankful that no one else was in the room.

I just cried.

I don't know for how long, but I couldn't hold it in any longer.


	9. Breathe You In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry it's taken me so long to get another chapter out. Thank you for being patient. Love you all!!

Nearly two months had passed since my breakdown.

I could hardly look Evan in the eye again.

He would sit away from me in classes, though Jean and Lillian would keep me company. It was sweet, but unnecessary.

One afternoon, about a week before Easter, I found myself in the library, once again being leered over by none other than Evan himself. I could feel my pulse quickening, my mind glazing over as I desperately tried to find something, anything to say to him. I found myself forgetting any words at all, so I stayed quiet.

"Weasley, my dear mum insists that you come to our place for Easter. Just a day or two and you can go back to your family," he informed.

Puzzled, I shot him a curious look. "And why does your mum want that?"

"I was rambling on about you in my last letter," he confessed.

If my heart hadn't stopped by now, it most certainly did at this moment.

"Tellin' your folks about me, huh?" I teased. 

"There's nothing but good things to say, if that's what you're worried about," he smiled.

Damn, that fucking smile. Those perfectly straight, dazzling white teeth. Every feature about him made me lose all focus and control. I watched the way the lapels of his school robes dangled down over the table as he leaned on it. I studied the feeling inside of me that so greedily wanted to grab them and pull him closer to me.

"Uh, yeah. I'll go. If you really want me there," I whispered.

"Of course I want you there, Charlie," he whispered back just as softly. He gaze loosened as his eyes searched mine. As if there was some hidden meaning in his words he eagerly wanted me to decipher. 

I wish I had known more then than I did now.

Evan departed with a smile, and I had wondered how Madam Pince hadn't come over to shush me based on how loud my heartbeat felt.

I tossed and turned for the next week, riled with anticipation of the holiday to come. When I told mum about my change in plans, she pulled a Mrs. Warrington and insisted Evan do the same and come to the burrow.

When I told Evan of this, he just smiled like he always did; charming and thoughtful. "Tellin' your folks about me, huh?" he called back.

I playfully shoved his arm as we walked, and soon enough, we were standing at the immaculately white door to Evan's house.

The door burst open before Evan had a chance to do it himself, and standing there was his adoring mother. She beamed at him with a glamorous look of love. Her dark green apron was speckled with flour dust, and her light dark blonde hair was pulled back into a messy bun. She pulled her son into a tight hug, which he reciprocated equally.

As he pulled away, he tucked his arm behind her back and leaned his head on her shoulder. "Mum, this is Charlie."

"So good to meet you!" she squealed while reaching out her hand. I took it immediately and a bit clumsily, but she shook it enthusiastically.

"You too, Mrs. Warrington," I said. 

"Oh please, call me Abby," she insisted. "I've heard so much about you."

"And I you."

"Well please come in!" Abby and Evan stepped inside to allow me in, and I was welcomed by a subtle aroma of raspberry tarts and fresh flora from the vast array of houseplants littered about. The drapes were drawn back to let in a stream of light.

It felt like the burrow. Cozy and homey. 

Abby took my coat while Evan made haste towards the kitchen, setting the tea kettle on the stove.

"I'll go get your father," said Abby as she kissed Evan's forehead.

I slowly crept over to the kitchen, unsure of where to place myself. I leaned my back against the counter, and Evan leaned on his forearms next to me. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"You got that panicky look in your eyes. Like how a normal person would seem if they were face to face with an acromantula," he teased.

"I suppose I'm not normal," I breathed.

"No, you're not," he whispered back slowly. "Normal is overrated anyway." Evan started to pull out tea cups and tea, pouring enough for everyone. The sound of heavy footsteps pounded on the staircase as Mr. Warrington came down with Abby.

"Wow Evan! You've changed so much since Christmas," laughed Mr. Warrington as he looked directly at me. 

Evan rolled his eyes at the joke before his father pulled him in for a hug. "You don't appreciate my jokes anymore," teased his dad. He turned to face me, extending his hand out. I grabbed it eagerly and shook it. "Pleased to meet you. You must be Charlie."

"Yeah, it's great to meet you Mr. Warrington," I replied.

Mr. Warrington waved his hand dismissively. "Please, none of that. Call me Jonathan."

I nodded politely at him with a half smile, feeling a bit more comfortable but somehow still out of place.

Out of my skin.

We stood around the kitchen sipping on our tea, the rising smell of dinner cooking itself in the background conquering its way through our noses.

I liked the Warringtons.

They were easy to talk to, charming, thoughtful, much like Evan. 

Every now and again, I could feel the piercing heat of a stare come from his direction. I'd look his way, and he'd shy back, dropping his head. 

I hadn't seen him like this before. A bit vulnerable, a bit shy. Cautiously razing over me, tearing down every single defense I had. Pulling at my body like a cosmic tide, beckoning me into his arms, his heart, his soul.

 _Be mine forever,_ I kept repeating in my head over and over.

That damned smile.

Plaguing and infecting all my dreams and all my realities.

We sat to dinner, laughed and talked some more. I spoke with Jonathan about Dragonology while he divulged me in his favorite facts about Kelpies. 

As dinner finished, Abby stood up with a warm smile, collecting everyone's plates.

"Allow me," I offered, standing up.

"Nonsense. Stay here and enjoy the company," she countered. She shot a quick look Evan's way, Jonathan clearing his throat as she did so. He quietly excused himself to help his wife with the dishes.

Evan placed his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands, looking my way. His pale features were now a bit rosy after a glass of wine he was allowed.

He couldn't stop smiling.

That damned smile.

My breath caught in my chest.

I couldn't resist it anymore.

I blew out a lengthy bit of air and scanned back towards the kitchen, and seeing that we were completely out of sight, I turned back to face Evan. 

I grabbed his face.

I grabbed it and I kissed him without hesitation, without reservation.

Before he or I even had a chance to register what was happening, the way our world was spinning, I let go and fell back. I searched his eyes for any ounce of regret, but there seemed to be none.

"Why'd you stop?" he asked softly.

"I-I uh," I started shakily. I exhaled deeply and began to laugh. "You wanted me to continue?"

"Charlie, Charlie, Charlie," he cooed. "I've been wanting to kiss you for ages."

Tears started to pool in my eyes, and Evan's expression softened the most I had ever seen. Gone was the cool demeanor he carried with him. Gone was the hauteur that consistently laid steadily in his fashion, his skin, his bones.

Evan opened his arms for me, and I collapsed into his chest. He was much smaller than me in build, but in that moment, I felt infinitesimal. 

He stroked my back and just held me as I wept.

The years of clenched jaws, clenched fists, clenched emotions as I subdued the deepest and rawest parts of me finally relaxed in on themselves.

Evan broke away from me but held onto one of my hands. "Can I show you something?" 

I nodded blearily through my tears, and he stood me up with him, leading me upstairs to his bedroom.

His room was quite unassuming; it was the exact opposite of what you thought of when you thought of Evan Warrington. A dark grey rug was sprawled at the foot of his bed, contrasting against the bright cedar floor planks beneath. The walls were painted a calm olive green, and strung along them were clippings from newspaper articles about the Montrose Magpies quidditch team and a few muggle polaroid photos of him, Jean, and Lillian.

I tried to take in other details but Evan ushered me to sit on his bed. It was soft and pliant. 

He lent down to his bedside table, opening the one drawer at the front of it. He pulled out a a journal, strumming his fingers seemingly nervously along the spine. He flipped it open, scanning through several pages before landing on one and reading it aloud.

"October 14th, 1983. There's a quidditch game today. Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff. Jean and Lillian insist I go and support Hufflepuff for a change, but I tell them that I can't betray my house like that. The real reason though is that I cannot betray Charlie Weasley," read Evan.

Evan looked at me with bated breath before turning his gaze downward once more. "It's stupid, it really is, but there's something I'm going to try today to gather his attention. I'll tell people if they ask that it's just my outrageous Gryffindor pride, but really, it's for him. I'm going to dye my hair red."

Evan cleared his throat, smiling a little bashfully at the recollection. 

"Wait, I remember this. Your hair turned out purple," I laughed.

"Indeed it did. How could I, a second year student, think I would have ever successfully brewed a hair dye potion?" he chuckled.

I paused for a moment, reeling from the wave of information. "So you tried to dye your hair specifically to support me?" I asked.

"It was your first year on the team. I was excited for you. I saw the way you talked about quidditch. The fire in your eyes." 

Evan sighed and looked down to continue reading. "Update: The potion failed miserably, and now my hair is purple. Doesn't look half bad actually, but still I failed. I'm sat in the corner at this after party, watching all my friends celebrate the high of winning. I'm sipping on this water, wishing I was old enough to drink firewhiskey to gather the courage to go talk to him. To kiss him. To breathe in the fire that I know courses through his veins and gives him the life and tenacity I so desperately wish I had. He's so free and so passionate. I have watched and adored his powerful empathy cross and reach boundaries I never knew could be crossed."

Evan stopped reading, and I noticed his breathing had quickened. A nervous air hung around him.

"Evan," I whispered.

"Stop," he ordered softly. "Don't ruin this. Don't break this moment, please? Can we just exist for a minute?" His lip trembled as he finally met my eyes; the dam was threatening to break.

I nodded, and Evan came to sit next to me on the bed. I leaned my head on his shoulder and placed a tentative hand on his knee. Evan grabbed it, gently lacing his fingers with mine. Our breathing fell in line, and for once in my life, I felt at peace. 

I felt free.

No guilt, no judgment, no restraints.

Where do we go from here?


End file.
